Professional weirdo, Nicolas Cage, has some rather weird views when it comes to food and sex. The full-time nutcase and part-time awful movie-maker, will wear what appears to be road-kill carcasses on the top of his head but he wont eat any animal that appears undignified during the sexual act (I guess that means he won’t be going cannibal anytime soon).

So what does Nicolas constitute as dignified animal sex? A top hat and a monocle perhaps? He must be dying to sink his teeth into a penguin or two; those adorable things look like they are permanently wearing Tuxedos. You can’t get much more dignified than that. But don’t worry nature lovers; Mr. Cage isn’t stalking Antarctica, in a white morph suit, hoping to find a tasty morsel. How about we hear it straight from the horse’s mouth (so to speak):

“I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex. I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds. But pigs, not so much. So I don’t eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl.”

He is one dangerously ill man. If you want a tasty sexual experience that is nothing like the ‘Ghost Rider’s’ (awful movie), try one of the many Flavoured Lubricants we have here at Funky Condom.