We have all heard the saying ‘Two’s Company Three’s a Crowd’. For a lot of situations this is true, such as a tandem bike ride, camping in a two-man tent or having a go on a see-saw. But the ‘three’s a crowd’ rule doesn’t have to apply to the bedroom. Yes I’m talking about threesomes and as De La Soul said ‘three, that’s the magic number’.

However, there are some rules and distinct etiquette that should be followed when considering or engaging in a threesome. It really is not ok to present yourself naked with the willing third party on the sofa as you wait for you unaware partner coming back from her reccy for a pint of milk…you might find yourself wearing it. SO what rules should you follow when it comes to a three-way? Well that’s what I’m here for, to help you.

COMMUNICATE: I know it may seem pretty obvious, but you will be surprised at how little couples actually communicate. Don’t let embarrassment stop you saying something that you find yourself wishing you had revealed standing naked before the bed. Also make sure you discuss what is okay for your partner to do and what isn’t okay to do. Like a lady of the night often won’t engage in passionate kissing because it is too personal, you may not want your partner to do the same. Or maybe your partner does a special move just for you that always finishes you mortal combat style and you don’t want them using it on anyone else.

DON’T BE AN IDIOT: Whatever you do, make sure the majority of your time is spent on your current partner. You absolutely do not want to turn over and realise your other half has left the room completely and you might find your clothes on fire or that your body wash had received a hefty does of chilli powder. Place yourself in your partner’s shoes and appreciate how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. If you think a dummy might be in danger of being epically spat out, don’t do it.

STAY ACTIVE: If you find yourself not being the main focus of attention for a few moments, don’t just sit there twiddling your thumbs, maybe get out a game of sudoku…stay involved. Touch her, touch him or touch yourself…there is so many things right there for the grabbing it would be a real shame if just one of your hands were empty.

DON’T BE SELFISH: If you climax first, don’t just roll over and have a little nap, help to please the other participants. It might be slightly awkward if the other two are trying to keep things going but are getting interrupted by your snoring.

BE SAFE: The most important rule of them all especially with all those genitals and accompanying fluids flying around. Although it may be hard to remember you should use one hand to stimulate one partner and the other hand to stimulate the other partner. And you must, must, must use a separate condom, femidom or dental dam when having penetrative sex with the separate partners. So ‘Condom of the Week’ time and this week I have chosen Night Light Glow Condoms which are some spectacularly fun glow in the dark condoms.